Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's superman.

Right there, from the start you know it's going to suck. Who in their right mind is ever going to mistake some retard with his undercrackers on the wrong side of his trousers for a plane? A missile maybe, but a plane? Just because we're not super doesn't mean we're completely unable to tell the difference in scale between a bird and a plane, even at range. It's not even as if he flies with his arms out to the side to make himself the shape of a bird or a plane is it?

They just didn't put they effort in did they?

Here's my top 5 reasons why superman makes no sense:

1. He can't die. Makes suspense a little hard to manufacture wouldn't you say? Ditto for Captain Scarlet on this one. Unless the hero is risking his own personal safety in the process then really where's the drama? Yay mr infinite power does something that was less difficult or dangerous than taking a dump after a chilli cookoff, shouldn't we all be impressed? Not really no. Why am I even watching? It's not like he can get hurt. This is worse than golf...

2. The whole Kryptonite thing makes about as much sense as the 'plot' for the TV series Lost. He comes from the planet Krypton but chunks from the planet Krypton are, depending rather flimsily on their colour either fatal or otherwise fairly unpleasant to him. Run that past me again would you? How the fuck did his species even survive and why in the name of sweet zombie jesus, when they clearly have interstellar travel and get all superpowered up when they are away from home, would they not move somewhere else? All this of course is completely ignoring the fact that even the already staggering unlikely notion that there was a race of supermen who somehow sent one of themselves here as a baby to keep him safe is dwarfed by the sheer mathematical mind fuck that would be the calculation of the odds that even one chunk of a planet exploding billions of miles away would ever be able to float unaided through the 3d pinball game of the universe and end up on earth. And yet it seems fairly common. I bet it wouldn't even cost as much as diamond. There's poetic license...and then there's taking the piss.

3. Speedo's don't make you look cool. Not when worn on their own and especially not when worn on top of an already pretty ghey lycra jumpsuit. Frankly if you had to pick your own superhero costume I doubt that red patent boots and a red budgie smuggler would feature anywhere on your list. I'm not saying style counts over substance but frankly a little style at least couldn't hurt.

4. He has the power to do anything, right any wrong, heal any wound but what does he choose to do? Does he fix the middle east or stop all wars everywhere? Nope he spends his time catching minor criminals in Metropolis, saving cats and generally pissing his genetic heritage up the wall in the admittedly slightly noble pursuit of trying to introduce Lois to his fortress of solitude. The guy fundamentally lacks ambition.

5. The disguise. I know it's kind of an obvious thing to pick on but fuck it, it's another case of sailing past poetic license and just taking the piss. It's clearly him, very clearly and very obviously. It's not witty or clever that it's so obviously him it's just lazy and annoying. He looks the same, he sounds the same but oh my god he's not wearing glasses! However will we know who he is? That alone deserves a slap.

Those are just the top 5 reasons mark you. There are plenty more, the time traveling fly round the world thing, the level of annoyance that the character of Jimmy brings about in even the most tolerant person, the stupidity of making your home base at the pole where you will get really crappy reception on your TV, the smug way he hangs around after saving someone to pad his ego instead of moving onto one of the presumably thousands of other people dying horribly in the world at that point... the superman rolecall of suck goes on almost indefinitely...

He might even be worse than the hulk.